As a Supporter

What can you do as a friend?

People with eating disorders will almost certainly need professional advice and treatment, however friends and family can provide invaluable help and support.

It is important to remember you cannot ‘magic’ someone better. Remember that your friend is a person first and someone who has difficulties with food second. Continue with the normal activities you engage in together and do not allow issues of food to dominate the friendship. A person with an eating disorder is likely to also have periods of depression, anger and frustration. Remember it is the disorder taking over, not them changing.

Talking to someone you suspect has an eating disorder may seem like a daunting prospect. Recovery cannot begin in an atmosphere of denial and a disorder will not go away by itself. So while it may seem scary, broaching the subject may be your friend/family members first step to recovery. Tell them of your suspicions, how it makes you feel and be prepared for them to deny they have a problem. Help them by giving them the opportunity to talk, but if they do not want to (or are not yet able to), make it clear that you still care for them and you are there for them when they need you.

Be supportive and encourage them to seek professional help.However, if they choose not to seek help that is their responsibility, not yours. Do not nag about food, spy on your friend or get drawn into becoming some form of monitor or control. Remember it’s not about food, it’s about feelings. Be honest about your feelings and encourage the other person to be honest about theirs.

Be available to listen to your friend so they can talk about their feelings, but do not take on more than you can comfortably cope with. Everyone has limits – of knowledge, time and understanding – so offer the level of support that you can sustain and do not let this take over your life or interfere with your work. Even low levels of practical support – committing to a once-weekly walk or coffee break, agreeing to help with shopping, calling regularly – can be very valuable.

If you feel overwhelmed by your friend’s problems, or are very concerned about them, you can contact a professional yourself to get some support and advice. Supporting someone with eating problems can be very stressful, and it is important to take care of yourself, as well as the other person.